Dear L.L. Bean Catalogue,
Why do you insist on taunting me so? Your fleece half-zip pullovers, your corduroy pants, your neoprene-cuffed boots in numerous outfit-matching colors... they tug at my heart, beckoning me away to cooler weather when you know perfectly well I am stuck in hot Florida where their once-a-year-snow is actually soap suds sprayed from a dispenser-fan contraption mounted on a street light.
Now, you may have sent me some of the cooler weather we've been having just to appease me and keep me sane. If your intentions were noble, then I thank you. But maybe you've done that to remind me of what autumn feels like? Oh, you little... Your colorful pages inspire me to boil water for cocoa or tea, inspire me to buy canned pumpkin for bread or pie, inspire me to pull down my wool sweaters from the top shelf of the closet and cozy up on the couch with a fleece throw... but you know that I am stinking hot when I drink hot beverages, bread doesn't bake correctly here because of humidity? sea-level?, and I stick to the couch when I'm on it for more than five minutes.
I don't know how much longer I can take this game you're playing. I may have to cancel you altogether and forego the gadget joy you bring my husband. My heart can hardly take it.
Sincerely,
Kathleen
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Dearest K: Just wanted to let you know that I am putting you on the list for a catalog from Lands End. (This is a not so subliminal message to move north--closer to your mother.) Happy Election Day, and as we say in the city of Chicago, vote early and vote often (just a joke, really). Love, Mom
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