Return from Zombieland

And I don't mean Africa.

We got home on Sunday night (11/26) and barely made it home alive. Brad, who had not slept on the 18 hours of flying, dozed in the car while I worked. with. all. my. might. to keep my eyes open while driving across Alligator Alley. This is not a place you want to pull over and take a quick doze. The 8 foot high fences have barbed wire and an electric line in them to keep the alligators from climbing over the fences (I'm not kidding), but you don't want to take your chances. As soon as we hit the first exit past the toll booth to leave the alley, I asked Brad to take over driving. I kept drifting off at the wheel, and I hear that's not such a good thing.

So we got home, slept, and woke up around 4:30 a.m. on Monday dur to jet lag. And Monday was a good day. We felt in good health if a bit tired, napped, played Brad's newest addiction, Scrabble, opened Bob Evans at 6 a.m., ran a few errands, and slept some more. It was his birthday so we went to Ralph and Chris's for dessert in the evening and then came home and crashed.

Tuesday morning I woke up, ate cinnamon toast not knowing it would be for the last time, and went to work. I got there around 7:45 since we were still waking up at the crack of 4:30 a.m. Around 8:30 my office started spinning. Around 9:15 I lost the first piece of toast. At 9:45 I decided to head for home. I'll spare you the details except to say it was a good thing I grabbed a big coffee cup as I headed out the door. I've never hurled while driving before. And I sure as heck don't want to do it again.

I called Mom and Shelley on the way home to see if I should go home or go get tested for malaria. Both said to go home and wait it out, although I was certain I was on death's door. Miraculously, after retching for a while, I felt better. My dad called about five minutes after the last heave and we had a lovely chat which brought my spirits up immensely.

For the next three days my upchucker was quiet, but my downchucker wasn't happy. (I'm trying not to be too grody.) And did I mention our toilet was broken? It's not so much fun when one has to go NOW, to have to quickly turn on the water to the potty and then take care of urgent business. And then turn off the toilet again. Multiple times a day.

But I got ahead of myself. Tuesday was throwup day, and Wednesday morning I woke up with a doozy of a cold. So please forgive me for not blogging much lately. I've been meaning to, really. For the rest of the week I slept, watched minimal tv, slept, and made jello, which task was made easier with help from my fun birthday present of a plug-in teapot. Boils 6 cups of water in under 2 minutes. Makes jello-making quick, thankfully.

Brad caught the same cold bug on Thursday and has been fighting it ever since. I went to work on Thursday morning (why did I have to be the hero?) and after a few hours left and stocked up at CVS. I brought home anything that looked like a cold remedy and laid it all out, combined with what we already had in stock, on the counter. Brad came home early, too, and we had ourselves a nice little cold-remedy buffet. His terribly sore throat called for the Tylenol liquid stuff. My congested head and sneezing called for Wal-itin, the walgreens version of Claritin. Which did no good for me so it came off the buffet.

On Friday I got to the grocery. It took me the better part of two hours to get around the place, but we hadn't been in a month and only had peach jello left. So I stocked up and came home and slept the rest of the day.

All weekend we slept, ate little bits here and there, played Scrabble, and slept more. We've both worked every day this week but taken off a few hours early most days to get more sleep in. We're just now feeling like we're returning from Zombieland.

Oh, and we had to take our anti-malaria drugs for a full week after returning home, which tend to upset tummies and cause wacked out dreams. We can attest to both. The dreams... seriously! Where do they come from?

And we have fixed the toilet, thank you very much. We were about to call a plumber when I thought to first ask one of my smart bosses on Wednesday. He told me to buy a $4 flapper at Lowe's and do it ourselves. And wouldn't you know, the thing is fixed! Hooray. We went out to eat after going to Lowe's-- remember we have a limited assortment of restaurants within 15 minutes of us. Our choices are Steak and Shake, Bob Evans, Chick-Fil-A, Burger King, McDonalds, Taco Bell, Long John Silver's (I swear they were done in by the health department like ten years ago, but I guess not), and Applebees. We picked the last one, rather, I picked the last one as I am forever tempted by their commercials and want to give them just one more try to not disappoint me. But they always do disappoint me. Applebees, if you ever want our business again, you're going to have to learn to not drown the chicken and rice in watery orange sauce. And you're going to have to get a host staff who can at least fake being welcoming and giving a snit if we come or go. And you might consider menus that don't look like the last person licked them and then chewed on the edges. Maybe fewer tv's with CNN of all things (!)-- I hear there are better channels for the bar area. And, oh, maybe not wiping the rice from the table onto my seat. But who am I? I'm not Mrs. Applebee, so I probably should keep my comments to myself. (finish rant)

Mom sent us a bunch of her Africa pictures and Steph did, too, so I'm working on getting a recap ready for you all. It really was an amazing trip. We saw two game parks-- the Samburu and the Masai Mara. The scenery and animals at each were different and amazing. I can't wait to show you pictures-- I'll try to do that this weekend.

This weekend might be Christmas tree time for us. We're going to finish prepping the house for the market and will finish our house blog and put it on craigslist down here. I'll also link to it here in case any of you wish to purchase a lovely home in Florida. (I'm thinking of you, dear reader in Oklahoma! Or anyone in the cold midwest! It's 70 here!) Once the house is photographed and that blog is done, we'll get a tree and decorate the house. Did anyone see the HGTV special on the White House's decorations? That red ball ornament tree was breathtaking. Think I could talk Brad into an unconventional "tree" this year? My mom always decorated with those red ornaments, teaching her ladylike daughters to say "red ornaments" instead of "red balls" ("But why, Mommy?"). I just love the shiny redness of them. I might fill up some glass jars with them in the kitchen or something.

Oh, and yesterday after work I spent an hour and a half at Ulta. My mother-in-law gave me a gift card there for my birthday and my sister convinced me that the reason my eyes get bloodshot when I wear makeup is because the makeup is from my wedding. Two and a half years ago. Which she says is really gross. After I took those 47 self-portraits to break in the company camera I realized that I look like I've really let myself go. Not a fun feeling. So I'll start with blow-drying my hair on a more regular basis instead of drip drying, and I'll slap on a little pretty in the morning. Ulta helped with that last night-- buy one, get one free on their Ulta-brand makeup. I way overspent the gift card but I'm excited to go play with stuff tonight.

Have a good weekend, all. And Katie, I'm sure Brad would be honored if you named your Jetta after him. In fact, I'm sure he'd love to hear all about the ins and outs of your new car! Congrats!