Gut check

I've seen my new counselor twice, and while I won't share all my innermost secret thoughts here, I'll just say she's great and is helping me sort things out a lot. The main point I'm working on is listening to my gut to help me make the big decisions facing us right now. I guess I kind of cut off my gut and discarded it when the house I was sure was right for us in Ohio was sold to someone else-- I guess I felt like if my gut was wrong on that, it must be wrong on everything. I'm working on listening to myself more and taking care of myself, and despite the stress of being unemployed, etc., I'm doing well. Thank you, God!

On the job front: I had two observations scheduled for Wednesday at the two schools that gave me offers. Before those observations I went to a local at-risk girls school which I found online on Monday. I interviewed there on Tuesday and was told to come back on Wednesday morning. I met with their academic director for a while, observed some classes there and looked over the life skills curriculum I would be teaching. It could be a really cool situation despite the attitudes of some of the girls. I just got called back this morning to come in on Monday for a third interview. I'll keep you posted.

So after the girls school I went to the charter schools. The 7th grade teacher I observed was great-- a really good teacher with great systems in place. The kids were pretty well behaved and the curriculum is do-able for me. Then I went to the high school. Again, decent curriculum, but I was not impressed with the teaching nor the students. I left early and came home in a daze. I was supposed to tell them both which one I chose by 3 p.m. and I got home around 2 p.m. One hour to make a decision, and I had no good feeling either way. Brad had only a few minutes to talk things over with me before he had to head off to an interview. It was a really rough afternoon for me. I couldn't get a real gut feeling that made any sense. What I was thinking was, "I don't want to be a teacher. I want to turn both schools down." But what sense does that make? I have no income, they are offering income, why would I say no? But I am choosing to trust that I know myself and that I'm making a wise decision. After talking things over with my mom and Shanel, I had a much better feeling. Then I talked with my sister-in-law who was going to be working at the middle school with me... she had just turned down her offer there and decided to stay at her present school. After all these conversations, I felt sort of ok with saying no to both of them. I emailed them to let them know I would call them in the morning, that it was too big of a decision to rush.

Brad and I went out for dinner after he got back from his interview. He applied with a placement agency that specializes in accounting placements and met with a bunch of people and took a bunch of tests. He was exhausted when he got home as well. So we had some PF Changs at the new one nearby and stared at the floor most of the time in a stupor. We went to bed around 8:45 p.m. and didn't wake up until 9:30 yesterday morning. It was a rough day!

So yesterday I called both schools to decline the jobs and I feel super great about it. The population down here is just rough, and I know how things went down at my previous teaching job. Things were just too similar in the schools, and I've also learned in the past year how much I like small group situations instead of large classroom situations. Put that all together and I'm not going to be a traditional teacher for now.

I interviewed yesterday with a remodeler and am waiting to hear back from him. I was there for nearly two hours and it was a really fun interview. We get along quite well and I would learn a lot about remodeling, something I'm very interested in. But he's looking for someone who is here for the long haul, and I can't promise anything. In fact, as soon as we can sell the house we're out of here, so I'm a bit ambivalent about pursuing that. He's also 45 minutes away and the pay is rather low.

I have a third interview on Monday at the at-risk girls school. I like the idea of it-- providing support to at-risk girls in all arenas, physical, social, academic, emotional. I would be teaching life skills, which is basically group therapy. The curriculum is all written out which is great, and I would enjoy that. However, these girls are tough and it's not unusual to be cussed out. I don't get excited about that. But I am very interested in single-sex education and this would be another place to get some experience and learn about another population. Plus it's year round, so if we had to move in a few months it wouldn't be as bad as leaving a regular 10 month school midyear.

Today I also applied with a placement agency, seeking executive administrative positions. Who knows.

A lot is up the air, and things are tough at times. How will we make our budget? How much of our savings will we have to eat up? You know the drill. But we are encouraged to be in this together, and when one feels weak the other is strong. Thank you all for praying for us and encouraging us. We appreciate it more than you know!