Busy night!

Last night I went to my high school reunion. It was held in Libertyville's public library which has a lovely garden atrium area. The funny thing about the reunion was that it was a dance, and no one was allowed to bring a date other than a high school colleague. I was sad not to bring Brad, but I went with a guy who was a mixture of guys I've known over the years. It was fun to get dressed up, but I don't keep in touch with many people from high school so I was anxious that I wouldn't have anyone to talk to other than my date. And when we got there, he was the entertainment for the night and had to play the piano all evening long. It wasn't nearly as much fun as I thought it would be and I woke up bewildered and disappointed.

But that's what I get for sleeping in the Room Of Weird Dreams, as it is now known. I tend to snore a bit and wake up Brad so I slept in the guest room last night. Sam and Erika also had some weird dreams in there this weekend. So now it is the Room Of Weird Dreams.

This past weekend was just wonderful. S&E arrived Friday night and we went back to the house and ate dinner. The pork loin in the crock pot turned out ok, contrary to my worries that it would be dry. It fell apart and we made sandwiches out of it. Afterward we went to get homemade ice cream at Sweet Things, a charming little store with a charming little owner who went on and on describing her various tea offerings with great passion. We went back to the house and chatted until bedtime.

Saturday we woke up late and had breakfast on the lanai. The weather hovered in the mid 70s and the breezes made it feel like vacation weather. After breakfast we went to the Six Mile Cypress Slough (ten points if you know how to pronounce that word!) for a walk around their boardwalk. We spotted quite a few bits of wildlife-- alligators, turtles, blue herons, egrets, ibis, those black birds which I call Solar Powered Birds as their wings are always spread in the sun to dry off, and more. When you come visit, we must go again. It was quite relaxing and fun.

Then we went to get lunch at Moe's, which is similar to Chipotle but with good queso dip for the free chips. Yum. We went to the wine store next door to look for some Florida-brewed beers for Sam, and then to Target to see if they had any good maternity swimsuits for Erika. (Yes on the beers, no on the swimsuits.) After we shopped we headed over to Sanibel for a quick relax on the beach before our sunset cruise. Unfortunately it was rather cloudy so we didn't see much of a sunset. We did see quite a few dolphins, however, and the boat ride itself was terribly relaxing. Afterward we got pizza at Gatsby's and ice cream at Royal Scoop, where the poor new guy thought pistachio ice cream was chocolate-colored and Sam ended up with two servings of dessert. Worse things have happened. Then we went home and watched Michigan State nearly recover from being 20 points behind Ohio State in basketball.

Sunday we went to the First Church of Learning Settlers. After breakfast Sam and Erika treated us to a game of Settlers of Catan. I had tried to play long ago but it never stuck, and Brad had never played. He picked up on it quite well and I followed along as best as I could. After that we took naps, wrote a paper for grad school, or played World of Warcraft (Brad and Kath, Erika, and Sam, respectively) until it was time for a late lunch/early dinner at Famous Dave's Barbecue. Word to the wise-- as good as it tastes, it's not worth the aftermath. At least that was my experience this time. After lunner we got shakes at Cheeburger (what would a trip to Fort Myers BE without a Cheeburger shake?) and said hello to Ralph and Chris for a bit. Then we headed home for a few more rounds of Settlers. By the time it was time for bed I was feeling like I had caught on and now I want to buy the game.

It was a fantastic weekend filled with relaxing activities. More importantly, however, Brad and I got to feel normal again. We connected with friends, people who know us and who we know, who are real and fun to be around. Both Sam and Erika are fantastic conversationalists and we talked about everything from midwives to crock pots to proofs about wobbly tables. Brad and I both lead rather isolated lives-- we work at desks, come home to each other, and do the same thing the next day. So we loved connecting with friends and just feeling more alive. Thanks, Sam and Erika, for the gift of last weekend!

One thing I left out-- on Friday night just as we were sitting down to dinner I received a phone call from a lady in New Hampshire who was interested in our house. To make a long story short, she asked what kind of deal we could give her if she paid us cash and closed in 30 days. (!!!!!) As of right now she is communicating with our realtor who is sending her information about the area. It may all fall through, or we may be moving soonishly. We're trying not to get too excited because it's quite likely it will not happen. But maybe it will. I'll keep you posted.

While the Seavers were here Sam showed us Google Reader. If you're not using it to keep up with your blogs, you must! It's a feature of having a google account like gmail and it lets you know which of your blogs has been updated! I set it up yesterday and was delighted to find out lickety split that Shanel posted 8 times yesterday with delightful stories and pictures and thoughts. One was this: "Buy yourself some flowers this week or a blooming plant at Jewel. Cheer your home up with some color. It is so drab out there and we have a long way to go till Spring." Hmm. Read metaphorically, this is so true for me right now. If you don't read Shanel's blog yet, I think you'll enjoy her musings. I love the pictures of her darling Audrey Anne and her stories about life taking care of the sick and dying.

And speaking of Shanel, she convinced me last week to try World of Warcraft. Any of my other girlfriends will be incredulous at that, but it's true. We made a date for last night to play together and we played for about an hour. I can understand the lure of it. The game is well-made and creative, and I have to say I enjoyed killing scorpions and warthog-things. But I can't say I'll do it again. I enjoy nurturing my girly side where there are no killings, only cooking and HGTV and pretty things, which is what I do when Brad plays his manly kill-things game.

Other random thoughts for today-- from Susan's blog: "From the beginning, our lives lay down clues to selfhood and vocation, though the clues may be hard to decode…. We do not find our callings by conforming ourselves to some abstract moral code. We find our callings by claiming authentic selfhood, by being who we are."

And "Depression is the ultimate state of disconnection--it deprives one of the relatedness that is the lifeline of every being."

I'm chewing on ideas of what I want to do with my life, and I keep coming back to being a principal. I can't seem to run away from it, as much as I'd like to and as much as I don't want to go to grad school. But "claiming authentic selfhood", as Susan quotes from Parker Palmer, it fits me to a T. I am a leader, I am an empowerer, an encourager, a delegator. I can steer the ship and pat the backs of my rowers. I have been fortunate enough to have had fantastic leader examples and have learned from them. So I'm thinking about that. I think ideally, we'd move to Ohio, work for a year, and then I'd start grad school next fall. Who knows.

And the second quote-- I'm feeling like I'm in full-fledged depression. It happened once before, right after we got engaged (!), and I became sort-of dead to the world. I was overwhelmed with my job and then I added wedding-planning to the pot, and after mustering-up for some time, something clicked inside and the chemicals turned off my happiness. A light dose of happy pills worked and I was off of them after 6 months. Then in October I was crying a lot and got some good prayer and the depression was completely lifted off of me for the past two years.

This time the click happened when I found out that the house I thought we were going to get in Ohio was sold to someone else. I felt the click happen, and ever since I just can't muster up. I can't make a decision worth anything-- menus are anxiety-producing to me. And this time I'm much more anxious-- full of nervousness at random times (watching tv, driving home) and heart-racing panic moments. I have a doctor's appointment next week and I hope hope hope she'll give me some small dose of something to take the edge off. It's an anxious, uncertain time of life and this time we don't have community here to rally around us. So the quote from Susan feels real-- I feel disconnected and unable and unwilling to try to connect to new people. I don't like myself and I don't trust my reactions so I'm just trying to get by right now until stability comes in one form or another. It's isolating for sure.

Thankfully I have a super husband who understands me even when I don't understand me and likes me just the same. We're getting by and enjoying our evenings at home together. We have some fun things planned-- next weekend is girls weekend for me in Chicago, then we both go to Indianapolis to see some Huntington friends, then we'll go to Mount Dora sometime which is a great town near Orlando, then my dad comes to town, and then my mom comes to town. All before mid March. And I just got an email from Spirit Airlines that they have some cheap fares down here in Feb and March, in case you want to visit! You never know how long we'll be here!